The Rambling Thoughts Of Hal Stewart
by OrangeAfterglow
Summary: Inside his prison cell Hal Stewart has little to do except think over the recent events of his life. What goes through a man's head when his wildest dreams suddenly come true? 2nd installment in the 'Rambling Thoughts' series. lots of immature insults.


Oh man, did I totally kick butt or _what_! I mean _come on_! I signed my name on the city, that's got to count for something! Right? I was literally the coolest person on the planet and what do all those little freaks do? The try and spoil my fun! Talk about rude.

It isn't like I ever asked for it, well I kinda did always want to be a super hero but man, was that job a let down. Now here I am, in this stupid cell with its stupid fuzzy animals on the wall…it doesn't even have a games station! That little blue freak is an even bigger freak than I thought if he liked living in this place.

Of course all of this is his fault! None of this would have happened if it wasn't for that twerp Megamind, Roxie would have realised she was really in love with me and we would have been happy together! But no, that useless blue idiot had to go and ruin everything for me!

I remember the first time I met my Roxie, I had been working at the station for a few months when I saw her for the first time. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans with a white shirt and had just got back from an interview with Metro Man after being rescued from Megamind for this first time. She was very shaken and didn't seem interested in being comforted by any of the fools that swarmed around her. That was when I knew that it was me she was waiting for. I pulled a few favours from a guy in the HR department, I helped him get past a few bosses the looser was stuck on on a video game, and got placed as Roxie's ultimate cameraman.

I was always there for her, no matter where she went, no matter what she did I was _always _looking out for her. Even when Megamind was kidnapping her and that goody-goody Metro Man got in there before me. Metro Man was such a looser! I mean who did he think he was, running round acting up to the camera. Acting the hero when all the time he was just in it for the glory! I mean he never worked very hard to protect Roxie did he? She was always getting kidnapped and what did he do? He just waited until everyone was watching to see what he was going to do! Looser. He should have killed the blue freak when he had the chance and now look what has happened!

It was the best day of my life when Space Dad gave me my super powers; I knew then that that was what was going to make everybody love me! I even had a super cool super name! Tighten! That is because my powers were super tight! I mean, I could fly like I was driving some sort of invisible flying go-kart or something! I had everything! I was officially the coolest guy on the planet! I was everything that Roxie could ever ask for, I was way cooler that Metro Man ever was, she should have fallen into my arms the first time she met the super me! I thought at first she needed to feel like I saved her so I did, I saved her from bashing her head on the pavement and from being splatted against the side of a building! But no, all she did, when she should have been falling all over me telling me how brilliant I was, was tell me that something bad had happened to me and we needed to find a way to reverse it. _No. Freaking. Way_. Hell no was I ever going to give up my powers!

I blasted off leaving her on top of the Metro City Tower and just flew. I felt like my heart had been ripped out, how could she treat me like that after all I have done for her, all the times I helped her out by thinking up a load of really daring rescue plans to get her away from Megamind. That looser never played fair, he always sent all of these little freak inventions out to keep me busy so that he could keep my Roxie for a little longer until Metro Man remembered what he was supposed to be doing and swooped in to be everybody's hero. I'm not stupid, I could see what was going on. Metro Man must have been working with Megamind for years, just to make himself look like the hero. It is so unfair that they used Roxie like that! Why couldn't they pick someone else to play the victim in their stupid game?

Well I sure showed that blue freak who is best, I can't believe he was Space Dad! I was so sad for Space Step Mom, I wonder what happened to her? She probably had to go back to her own planet in shame because she didn't know her husband was such a looser. The thing that made me the maddest though, was Megamind telling me he was the dweeb that I'd seen with Roxie! AAAAHHHH I wanted to wring his scrawny neck right there! How dare he! She was my girlfriend! She was the one Space Dad had been training me to save and fly off into the sunset with! And what about her? Letting him brainwash her or something! Well that was it! Right there sealed everything! If she wanted to be with her little hero then fine! He can have her, I'd show them! Both of them were going to find out what it meant to make me angry!

I finally had her too, back on top of the Tower where everyone could see what she had become. How much of a traitor and a hypocrite she had become by letting herself get tricked into something with _him_! The look on her face as she begged, _literally begged_ for him to come and save her, it made me sick! It should have been me she was begging but nooo, it was the blue freak she was calling for! I'm not sure what surprised me more, the fact that she had dared to come and try to stop me or the fact that he had actually come to rescue her!

When he appeared with a giant blue freak head up in the clouds and dared to tell me that I was not a Super Villain, well I was ready to rip his freak head off right there! The stupid little robots all crowded around me, all making noise and just being annoying, like they were trying to distract me or something. My Super Vision sorted them out quickly enough only to see Roxie clinging like some little girl onto _him_! It was like they were _trying_ to make me angry on purpose! I did have to laugh though, the little idiot couldn't even fly that bike properly! Ha-ha!

Then Metro Man showed up, just when I was about to make Roxie pay for what she did to me. I knew it wasn't really Metro Man! I was just tricking him into _thinking _that they could chase me off. The idiot gave the game away when he called Metro City _Metrosity_. They were making _fun of me_! ME! I sure showed them! They won't be forgetting me for a long time! Everything was worth it just to see the look on his face as I threw him up into the air on the door of that stupid car!

I had another shock then too, I had just about decided that I could actually make Roxie realise what she had done and bring her back to me, but then I saw her with that bit of metal, she was going to _hit _me with it, to help him! Well that settled it. I'd got her backed up to the fountain and she actually crawled into it! Serves her right to be so scared, after what she has done! I didn't quite believe it when Megamind just appeared in front of me in the fountain and BAM!

Next thing I knew I was on the floor with my costume all baggy around my arms and legs and a load of cops were trying to arrest me! I tried to tell them it wasn't me they should be arresting but HIM! He was the bad guy! If it weren't for him none of this would have happened!

Now I'm stuck in this stupid little cell, I think I'm going to go nuts in here! The old man, the '_warden_' says I'm going to be in here, for like ever! HA! If Megamind could get out of here so much then it will be super easy for me, I'll be out in no time!

This is not the last time Metro City will hear of Hal Stewart!


End file.
